The day we went in for our “BIG Ultrasound” where we were supposed to find out what we were having, we got a bit of a surprise! We were so excited to FINALLY know what we were having… but we would have to wait a few more weeks. Just a few minutes after this sweet picture was taken, we found out that something was not right!
After measuring some of babies parts the sonographer, Kelly, (yes we are now on a first name basis with her) was trying to get a look at what gender our little one was since it was hiding behind my belly button. That is when she noticed that my cervix was looking funny. After a closer look her fears were confirmed. My cervix was funneling. You can see it in this next picture.. those sweet little feet with ankles crossed are pointing down to the big black hole that is supposed to be closed up. But aren’t those feet cute?
Needless to say, we were very worried. It was a long week of waiting, but we were so blessed by our friends, family, and church family. It was all worth the long week, the tears, and all the prayer when we went in the next week and saw this….
As creepy as baby looks here with the black holes where it’s eyes are, this momma was never so glad to see that little one alive and well. I was never so happy to hear the bomp, bomp, bomp of it’s little heart. And after checking out my cervix to see how it was fairing, I could have listened to that heartbeat forever. My heart broke as Kelly groaned. I knew without looking that it wasn’t getting better. Pretty sure as Kelly was pointing out the even bigger hole than the week before that she had tears in her eyes. My cervix had gone from being closed 2.4 cm to only being closed 1.6 cm. This would be where I lost it. Which made my sweet Matthew cry, and my sister who went with us started crying too.
So crazy how so many thoughts can go flying through your head in one split second. I prayed, I got angry, I was so scared! I felt like a complete failure. I had done everything that the Dr had told me to do, and my baby was in bigger danger than it was before! They moved us to a room to talk with Dr Estrada. We talked about our options, and she put another call in to the perinatologist. They didn’t have much advice, but we decided that a cerclage (stitching up my cervix) was our best option. So the next morning that is what we did. The surgery went beautifully other than it taking 4 tries to get my spinal block in. OUCH! We both came through with no complications and have been home praying our little hearts out this week!
I was so scared and nervous to go back into the Dr today, but I knew I had to! Kelly measured my cervix first thing. It is closed .9 cm which is exactly what was stitched shut. Had we not done the surgery, our sweet little one more than likely wouldn’t be with us today. We were so blessed that they caught this and got it fixed as soon as they did.
Here is our picture from today. It is officially a boy! We are so excited!
As I’m laying here typing this, I’m being kicked and punched by the sweet little man growing inside me. The joy that those kicks bring is indescribable… even when he uses my bladder as a trampoline. I am in constant awe of how God’s plan is so perfect, even when we don’t see it. Sure the next couple of months are going to be hard. They will be spent not doing much but laying around, getting weekly shots, and they will be tough financially because I can’t work, but I am blessed beyond measure. We have the most amazing daddy taking care of us, and I have the joy of knowing that my son is still at this moment safely tucked away growing and changing. We also know that we have an amazing Dr doing everything she can to keep this baby where it needs to be for as long as possible.
We may not understand fully, but if there is one thing this year has taught us, even if we don’t understand things, even when we feel like we have been stripped of everything we have, even when our hearts are totally broken, we are still being held by the hands that formed the world. We still serve a God who is a mighty healer, who has amazing power, and whose love can do anything. If there is one thing that has gotten us through and will continue to get us through, it is His love.
Thank you all for you love, your support, the meals, the gifts, phone calls, emails, texts, etc. All of those things have meant SO much! We love you all!
By His Grace,